It's over for good. I've taken it three times, and this time was the last time. This time, I reviewed all the concepts until problems danced in my sleep. This time, I took the test over and over and over. This time, I let myself believe that i could overcome the panic and the pressure. This time, I did it for myself, because maybe I still won't get a high enough score, or into a good law school, or into a place I can afford, or that makes itself affordable. This time, I may turn around and take an academic job in Texas, or Boston, or California. This time, it could be that I simply wanted to prove the LSAT wrong in its assertion that you don't improve much, or that standardized tests are true measures of aptitude.
So I chewed cinnamon gum like a madwoman, checked my timer every few minutes, attacked the end of sections strategically, guessed "D" for the Logic Games questions I didn't have time for and "E" for Logical Reasoning questions I was unsure about. I chewed my roast beef sandwich thoughtfully at the break (no brain-deadening carbs for me) and tried to muster enthusiasm for the writing sample. I tried to use having badly to pee as a concentration tool. I bought cigarettes on the drive home, and let myself have only one.
I like this test. I'm sad it's over. I feel if I had one more try, I could do even better. I'm reluctant to stop doing an afternoon section or two just for fun.
Yesterday gf and I sat in a lesbian bar all afternoon long. We drank and watched the White Sox beat Cleveland. Today we hung around the house. Tomorrow I have to start writing a job letter for academic jobs. I have to schedule an interview at the law school where I want to apply early decision, and begin strategizing my personal statement. I have to turn my cv into a resume so I can pay bills when the unemployment runs out. I have to imagine many outcomes, many victories, many incremental improvements.
But right now, I'm still savoring the end of the LSAT, forever. And I'm actually sorry it's over. But the beer--the beer tastes really, really good.
5 comments:
Congrats on the exam, an accomplishment in and of itself. And good for you for claiming a little time to relax with a beer before the next whirlwind of anxious activity.
Congrats! I'm raising a glass (well, a mug -- it's only 11:30am, and I'm "working") in your honor. If your score doesn't reflect all that effort ... well, then it's just as totally dumbass a test as everyone has known all along that it is. I'll be rooting for you on the next steps ... -mer
Ditto above.
And I must say how amazed I am by your feelings toward the LSAT. Remarkable, indeed.
I find your relationship to the LSAT to be quite interesting. In your previous post on the LSAT you touched on something intriguing -- the notion that the LSAT somehow restores your faith in meritocracy. You didn't dwell on it, but it is clear that your comfort with the LSAT and its "concrete" nature is related to its comparison to the academic job market. The LSAT has definable contours to which you can bend, through discipline, will and persistence. It can be decoded. The academic job market, however, is so arbitrary, so enigmatic, so opaque, so unreadable and unpredictable. No wonder you are drawn to the LSAT as you face the academic job market.
I congratulate you for having more than one iron in the fire at this juncture in your life. You have not surrendered all control of your life to the whims of the academic job market. Maybe that will make you even more poised as a job candidate.
I'll add my congrats. And good for you for really embracing the whole process, and having it become part of you and your life. That, if nothing else, I bet will help make the experience worthwhile.
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